


A Wounded Snake Lies Still

by princeanxious



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Chaptered, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Jan deals w/ alot of repressed trauma and doesnt deal w/ it healthily, M/M, Mentioned Memory Loss, Past Anxceit, eventual analoceit, past healthy anxceit, planned happy ending, this fic is angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:53:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25438732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princeanxious/pseuds/princeanxious
Summary: Virgil’s missing memories have always been a touchy subject. After Remus and Deceit gain their acceptance of from the Light Sides and Thomas, Deceit still seems to have a few secrets to hide. If you asked him, he’d tell you it was for the best that he kept them. Partially concealing the truth was a slippery slope, indeed. But, could you really blame him? Now that Virgil was finally happy again?To him, All the repression of his own trauma was worth Virgil’s happiness. Their years of love were lost with Virgil’s memories of the past, and there was no way in hell Deceit was about to jeopardize Virgil’s current stability now, not when the only person at fault for losing was Deceit himself.(or, was it? He’s never sure anymore. Trauma is a fickle beast.)Well, one slip up from Remus is all it takes before Deceit finds himself faced with that exact dilemma fast approaching, and he finds he is less than prepared to face the music..
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Minor or Background Relationship(s), anxceit
Comments: 19
Kudos: 99





	A Wounded Snake Lies Still

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to my Tumblr, @princeanxious, i'm moving all my fics to ao3 for easy access!  
> This fic is an angsty one, but I promise it doesn't stay that way! this is my first time posting a fic to ao3 so if i make any mistakes pls let me know so I can learn!  
> Janus's lies/backward speech when in quotes are in italics!  
> there are three more chapters in progress for this fic, though I could not tell you when i'll update it next, as this fic was originally written in early April of 2020. All I can say Is that I *do* plan to update it.  
> ...Eventually.  
> (additionally! there are two posts I made that helped inspire this fic that you can find [Here](https://princeanxious.tumblr.com/post/614440405943074816/nothing-can-really-prepare-you-for-a-broken-heart) and [Here](https://princeanxious.tumblr.com/post/189732071719/an-short-take-on-a-conversation-centering-around) )

“Ugh, _gross_. In front of my deodorant?? Could you guys like. _Not??_ Be romance-y in the living room?? You two remind me of when Dee and Virgie were dating.” Remus grumbled offhandedly. He was too tired to deal with his twin’s particularly loud and loving attention directed towards Thomas’s literal representation of the heart this late into the afternoon.

They’d been loudly and shamelessly flirting back and forth from across the room while everyone set up for movie night, Roman in the living room with the others and Patton in the kitchen with Deceit making snacks. It was only seconds later that the duke realized his slip up as everything and everyone around clattered to a halt, the other sides turning stare at him in confusion.

 _Three years_.

It had taken Deceit three long, _painstaking_ years and counting to distance himself from the years of memories he’d spent in bliss. To separate his mind from the heartbreak of losing his only love. _Three years_ to come to terms with the fact that his only love now held no memories of the time they spent together, to accept that his love now deeply loved another.

 _Three years_ to come to terms with the fact that Virgil would never know what it was like to watch helplessly as his love writhed in pain. To watch as **The Line** ripped the memories from his love’s very being, forcing Virgil into a clean slate. _Three years_ to come to terms that Virgil would _never_ remember.

 _Three years_ of patience and heartbreak and anguish and lies, telling himself that it’d be okay, telling himself that he would move on and heal eventually. _Three years_ of painstakingly separating himself from the narrative he and Virgil used to share, and ensuring that Virgil never had any inkling to what had been of his past.

It was the only secret Deceit ever asked Remus to keep.

Rest assured, Deceit had _tried_ to re-spark Virgil’s memories many times in the first few months after Virgil crossed over **The Line** from Dark side to Light, having ultimately crossed for good. It’d only led to fight after fight, driving a wedge further and further between them with each escalated argument. With a bleeding heart, he’d eventually given in, and stopped any further attempts. After all, each attempt only seemed to fuel Virgil with irritation.

It had been clear then, that whatever they’d had, was _never_ going to be again.

 _Three years_ it’d been. He thought he’d nearly healed, really. Most days he found he could exist and interact with the others and not be reminded of the past, and be comforted that he himself would not be a reminder to the past. Repression had _always_ been his strong suit, though, consciously or not.

 **The Line** had diminished as of late, after Thomas had really begun accepting Deceit and Remus. They could cross **The Line** for long amounts of time now, and mostly be fine. Occasionally they suffered from a bout of fatigue when disagreements with the others briefly turned sour, feeling **The Line** tugging back at them insistently. It never lasted for long, but there was always that underlying worry that **The Line** would finally snap them back into the dark for good if one of them made a final wrong move.

The Light Sides didn’t know about **The Line** , not even Virgil remembered stumbling away from it after all that had happened. And well, if it were up to Deceit? They would never find out about it. 

_Too many questions, too many messy answers._

Three years later, Deceit finds his heart splintering once more, an ache sinking into his chest that he knows Patton feels as they stand nearby one another. Memories flood in harshly, a deep painful longing re-surging from the depths of his mind as it always did when faced with his reoccurring trauma sinking its claws into his psyche.

It’s only been seconds, but the silence is starting to feel _heavy_. Instead of moving on from the previous comment, Remus glances to Deceit, eyes pleading and devastated by having made his mistake, breaking the only promise to Dee he’d ever been seriously asked to keep. And Deceit knows he must do what he does best to save face, there is still time to redirect the carnage.

“Remus, please _don’t_ refrain from spreading lies, that’s certainly _not_ my job, after all.” He teases lightly, keeping his tone precisely on the edge of amused confusion, though his eyes hold an understanding none of the others know to read for. “Next you _won’t_ be telling me that your favorite animal is a squid, not an octopus. Not your _worst_ try at shock humor, _yes?_ ”

Remus catches on after a millisecond, drawing out a full cackle. “Sorry, not sorry! You should’ve seen the looks on your faces though! Priceless! Who knew a shitty joke falling so flat would shock everyone so good!”

Their reactions held the desired effect. Quickly, everyone around the room seemed to relax, Roman even firing back his own playful quip to further lighten the mood. In the end, it was just a bump in conversation, something Remus caused every once in a while as everyone adjusted and Remus learned. Not a single step amiss that wasn’t already expectedly out of line.

Still, he’d have to talk to Remus in private later. Remus was just as sensitive to rejection as Roman was, and paired with his inherently intrusive thoughts, it would come to no surprise if Remus already thought Deceit now hated him. He _didn’t_ , it’d been an accident, and Remus’s first ever slip up in three years since making the promise. Even if Dee had been mad about the slip up, he wouldn’t have had any right to be.

He’d be sure Remus was the first person he sought to soothe when they got a free moment alone, it wasn’t right to let those kinds of thoughts fester.

Remus first, Virgil next, as it wasn’t _quite_ crisis averted. He could feel Virgil’s eyes on his back from the living room. He denied his bleeding heart the closure of meeting Virgil’s gaze, of sharing his expression. He was too vulnerable, even now the anxious side could read his tells far too well, often without even realizing why. There was no doubt Virgil would try and talk to him later about it, and no matter how good the terms they were on with each other now were, Deceit knew the conversation would be a rough one. Virgil knows he has missing memories, and only recently had he accepted Remus and Deceit’s vague answers when he’d prodded lightly about his past. It was at least him acknowledging they had the answers to the past he can’t remember.

If he wasn’t careful, each and every brick in the wall that Deceit had carefully worked to build up in the past three years could crumble right before his eyes, leaving him stripped emotionally defenseless, his trauma bared for all to see. And who knew what the others would do if they knew so much? What would they think of him then?

Deceit inwardly shivered at the thought. It would not come to that.

Slipping into the nonchalant act was an easy card to play, it being his strong suit and most comforting form of security, his own little lie of omission to soothe the bumpy situation over.

What he didn’t account for, was Patton gently reaching to touch his arm when everyone else had settled and their attentions returned to their tasks at hand. Deceit fought against his immediate urge to pull away, knowing the moral side just preferred connection through touch when addressing another, and instead looked up to meet Patton with a questioning gaze.

Whatever Patton was about to say died on his lips as he suddenly seemed to reflect an absolutely heartbroken expression, tears welling up in his eyes. Pain and sorrow and surprise seemed to seep into the other’s expression, warring for dominance amongst the primary confusion.

It was only then that Deceit realized that Patton was still _touching_ him, his _bare_ arm with an equally _bare_ hand, to be exact. The memory that Patton bore minor empath abilities that were tied into his existence as the representation of Thomas’s morality and feelings sunk in two seconds too late.

Direct skin to skin contact, something Deceit sought often to avoid in general nowadays anyway, was the way Patton could tune into another’s current feelings through said abilities, often by accident. There were limits that Patton could control, of course, and Patton only ever seemed to struggle coping with that ability when faced with an overwhelming swell of emotions from the other side. And, well.. Deceit’s mind certainly hadn’t taken well to being reminded of his repressed past, seeping through his protective mental walls with all sorts of roiling negative emotions.

From _self-loathing_ , to _dread_. From _anger_ , to _guilt_. From _longing_ , to _grief_ , then to _depression_ , and finally _apathy_. It just couldn’t be helped that Deceit, a master of disguise and deception, had had three whole years to perfect the act that hid it from the outside and controlled it all from within.

Carefully, Deceit pulled Patton’s hand from his arm, and gently tucked it against the moral side’s chest. Still, he keeps his gloved hand there, letting Patton grasp it with both hands to ground himself after such an emotional ride.

“Deep breaths, dear Patton. Whatever _isn’t_ the matter?” He asks gently, still playing into his act but his eyes plead a different story.

‘ _Not now,_ ’ they say, ‘ _I will tell you, but not here,_ ’ they beg.

Patton nods slowly, and Deceit carefully wipes away Patton tears. In a move he knows he might regret later if it raises questions, he slips his hat off to gently plop onto the moral side’s head, and gently presses against the others clothed shoulder with his own in a show of comforting affection. It has the desired effect of distracting Patton and lightening his mood, Patton’s lingering upset masked by a watery smile only they can share. Deceit silently mourns the loss of his safety blanket, but accepts that a few minutes of feeling vulnerable while comforting Patton is a good trade to escape having his distress found out. He couldn’t have the other sides cornering him into explaining why Patton had suddenly begun crying without reason. It _certainly_ wasn’t the fact that he felt _guilty_ for Patton having experienced second hand an echo of his painfully raw emotions, _no_ , _not_ at _all_.

Thankfully their little scene goes unnoticed by the rest of the preoccupied sides, who are far too busy bickering over the movies they want to watch.

Well, unnoticed by all but the one who sits to the side. Said side keeps an unconcerned but intrigued eye on the two in the kitchen, glancing over every time he adjusts his glasses to avoid suspicion. Logan says nothing, but knows he has questions for his dearest Virgil when movie night is over. He can only hope that the answers Virgil gives will not raise more questions.

(..Unfortunately, they _do_ raise more questions than answers.. However, they know exactly who has the answers they seek. It’s only a matter of getting those answers that is a task far harder than they’d ever expected it to be.)

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you thought?? I'd love some feedback for this fic as it helps encourage me to want to continue it! I really do hope you liked it like I do! the next few chapters are in the works, but it's undetermined when the next update will come. Stay tuned!


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